Insanity
by Asian Tensai Tenshi
Summary: Is there a point where you love someone enough that you would sacrifice yourself if it meant they could be happy? Can you love them enough to lose your mind? What is that point? Where is it?  Perfect, Thrill, TezukaxOC
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **So... I should probably explain a bit about this story. So prom season is coming up and there's this guy who I was absolute best friends with back in 8th grade. I was completely in love with him and would have done anything for him. So in 9th grade, he asked someone to homecoming even though he knew that I liked him and it upset me. He wanted to know why I was upset and when I told him the truth, he told me that his mom had arranged for them to go together. What a liar. Anyways, I ended up going with someone else and that someone else kissed me and became my boyfriend. Well, my best friend got really pissed off and we had a few shouting matches at an after-homecoming party. This is the first part of what happened with him. So think of this series as a mini-memoir of my life, only I'm Fuji, my best friend is Tezuka and my boyfriend is Ryoma. I just feel like my life is definitely dramatic enough to weave into a fanfiction, so here it is. (I really should be studying for AP exams and SAT's though...)

**Warnings: **I don't even know if it's angst... But there are a few curse words. Perfect pair, Thrill pair, Tezuka x OC

**Disclaimer: **The only thing I own here is the pain. I don't own Prince of Tennis.

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><p>"You have NO right to be mad, Tezuka Kunimitsu!" The normally calm tensai was furious.<p>

"Says who, Fuji Syuusuke?" The normally stoic captain shot back, with just as equal fury in his voice.

"I tried to move on from you, I actually almost accomplished." Fuji replied testily, his eyes narrowing. "But then you had to go and RUIN everything." He looked angrily up to the other. "I actually had a chance of moving on and you went and SCREWED everything up!" His hands were on his hips.

"No. What happened was I turn around for one second and the next thing I know, you're kissing some other guy, like a little whore." Both were so angry that they had no idea what they were saying. Tezuka's arms were crossed over his chest, both of his hands clenched into tight fists.

Fuji recoiled slightly but then he let out a scoff. "Okay, I wasn't the one who asked someone else to the dance and then LIED about it and said that my mother was the one to set me up."

"That's not-" Tezuka began angrily.

"You are a liar." Fuji snapped every word. "You are a liar, you are a player, you are just insufferable." His voice rose with hysteria. "Just get out of my business."

"Then get out of my life." The captain gave that ultimatum before walking away. Fuji stood there, stunned. Never… was it supposed to end this way. Tezuka was never supposed to walk away from him…. But it made no sense. Why was the captain jealous? Everything Fuji had said was true. He couldn't deal with this heartbreak anymore. He couldn't deal with this myriad of emotions that the other caused within him anymore. He didn't know what to think anymore. He didn't know how to think- all he knew was that Tezuka, the boy he had loved for two years and counting, was walking away from him. Maybe forever. The tears began to fall. Fuji let out a bitter smile and a choked sob as he reflected on how this happened.

"_I think I'm going to ask Miku-san to the fall formal." Tezuka mused. _

"_Wait, who?" Fuji asked, confused. _

"_She's my neighbor." The captain gave a small shrug. "I mean, might as well, right?" Fuji froze. This couldn't be happening. After all the hints he had dropped. After everything that he went through for the captain. But this was just another sacrifice he would have to make…_

"_Yes… May as well." Fuji replied, his tone a bit sad. Tezuka, of course, noticed this, being Fuji's best friend. _

"_Are you okay, Fuji?" He asked. Fuji gave a bright smile. _

"_Yes, I'm fine. I think you should ask Miku-san. I would like to meet her." The heartbreak when Fuji said those few words hurt like hell. _

"Fuji?" Fuji looked up when he heard his voice. It was Eiji. "You all right, Fujiko?" The tensai wiped away the tears."

"Yeah… I'm okay." He said in a hollow voice. "I'm fine…" He whispered. "I'm fine…"

"What did Tezuka say to you?" Eiji knelt down besides his shaking friend.

"He… I…. It's over." Fuji looked away, his eyes closed in pain. "It's all over, isn't it?"

"It's not over, Fujiko…" Eiji hugged Fuji. "It'll be okay in the end… It will be okay."

"I…" Fuji couldn't speak. "Tezuka… He… didn't even look back…" Eiji held the tensai, whose empty eyes reflected his emotions. "He didn't even look back at me."

"Shhh…" Eiji knew that the best way to console the tensai was to just let him cry it all out. No advice, no comforting words and especially no pity.

"I loved him, I really truly do, but hearing him… I don't know what I'm going to do anymore." Eiji's heart clenched when he heard those words. Fuji had always cared about Tezuka and always sacrificed whatever he had to in order to make the captain happy, but it was just never enough. Eiji had seen the cuts that laced his best friend's pale stomach and inner legs. Fuji normally wore an undershirt to hide the scars, but one night that Eiji had slept over, Fuji had told him about the cuts. At first, the acrobat had been appalled, but after his initial shock, he listened to Fuji's story.

"_Fujiko, why? You… don't have anything to be depressed about!" Eiji had exclaimed, his voice slightly outraged. Fuji gave him a sad smile. That's when Eiji slumped his shoulders and let out a great sigh. _

"…_. It's a silly reason," Fuji began quietly, looking down at the ground, refusing to look at Eiji, "but first, let me ask you a question." The tensai looked up and Eiji's eyes widened when he saw tears glimmering in the sapphire blue orbs. "Have you ever loved anyone so much that you would sacrifice your entire being for them… You love them so much that it hurts…." He looked back down. _

"_Fujiko?" The tensai's shoulders had begun to shake. "Fujiko!" _

"_I'm okay, Eiji…" Fuji sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "It's just painful for me to remember everything." _

"_Do you want to talk about it?" Eiji asked cautiously. _

_The petite brunette shrugged. "It's nothing that won't blow over in a couple of months. After all… It's all going to end anyways." _

"_It's Tezuka, isn't it?" Fuji's eyes widened. Eiji saw his small flinch. _

"_Is it that obvious?" _

"_It was the best guess." Eiji admitted. _

"…_. Yes, it's Tezuka." _

"_Do you want to talk about it?" _

_Fuji rapidly shook his head. "Let's just say… I fell in love and am now paying the price for it." _

_Eiji took the fragile tensai into his arms. "It's okay, Fujiko… It'll be okay." _

_The next couple of words that Fuji spoke would haunt Eiji forever. "When will it be okay again? I've heard those words countless number of times, but I'm still waiting for everything to work out okay." The redhead knew that that night, he saw another side of Fuji that no one has ever seen before and he was beyond worried. _

Fuji was sitting under the sakura blossom tree, his lunch sitting next to him. He couldn't eat… Tezuka had betrayed him not 10 minutes again at the beginning of their lunch. Fuji had insisted that Eiji leave him, telling him that if he was left alone, that would be the best thing to do now. Fuji was recalling their friendship and tried to remember when he fell in love with Tezuka. He had tried to move on from Tezuka, who knew that Fuji had feelings for him, by accepting the advances of Echizen Ryoma, but when the kouhai had kissed him for the first time, the captain had seen and was now furious.

It had been Fuji's first kiss… But Tezuka had made a special moment hell for the tensai. Fuji was now regretting the decision to go to the fall formal with Ryoma. Ryoma didn't know of Fuji's feelings for Tezuka, but Fuji felt guilty. Ryoma had kissed him several times that night and had IMmed the tensai that night, telling him what a wonderful night he had. Fuji felt as if he was leading Ryoma on… and he didn't feel as if it was fair to Ryoma. Fuji closed his eyes and leaned back against the tree, his tears freely falling now.

He felt someone move next to him and sit down with him. "Fuji?" It was Tezuka.

Fuji said nothing.

"Fu- Syuusuke, I'm sorry." That's when the tensai opened his eyes to look at Tezuka. "I didn't, I'm sorry. It's just that… Fuji, I'm sorry. I don't like you."

"… I know." Fuji looked away, his tears falling again. "I understand." He whispered.

"Fuji, look at me." Tezuka said gently. Fuji did and the captain looked slightly upset when he saw his friend's tear-stained face.

"I'm sorry, Tezuka." Fuji wiped his face, and Tezuka winced. It was like Fuji was trying to claw at his face.

"Fuji, just understand. You're my best friend, but I don't like you like that."

"Tezuka, I understand. Just… I have to go." Fuji abruptly stood up, not wanting to continue this conversation. "I'll see you during tennis practice."

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><p>During class, Fuji couldn't concentrate. He was reminiscing over his and Tezuka's friendship. He couldn't remember exactly when he and Tezuka became friends, but he could remember when he told Tezuka that he liked him. He couldn't muster up the courage to tell the other directly, so he enlisted the help of Oishi. True to his word, Oishi had told Tezuka, but the captain had never said anything, so one day, after tennis practice, Fuji sidled up to Tezuka and had talked to him about everything.<p>

"_Tezuka?" Fuji was nervous. He felt as if his heart would burst out of his chest- it was beating that fast. _

"_Yes, Fuji?" Tezuka didn't even look at the tensai. He took this as a bad sign. _

"_Uhm… I don't really know how to ask you, but," Fuji grimaced, "has Oishi said anything?"_

"_Yes." Nothing else. _

"_And…?" Fuji was afraid to ask. He was on the brink of tears. _

"_Fuji, I don't feel that way about you, but I still want to be friends." Tezuka almost let out an inaudible sigh. _

"_Oh… I see." He fell silent. "If that's what makes you happy… I'll return to practice." Before the captain could say anything, the tensai had already whirled away. Tezuka stared at the empty space next to him. _

Before Fuji knew it, he had tears rolling down his cheeks. It was a good thing that they were watching a movie and it was dark in the room. Was it possible for this to hurt so much? Was it humanly possible for someone to hurt so much? He felt so light-headed and dizzy. His chest ached and felt empty, like something was missing. What was he turning into? The bell rang, signaling the end of the school day and before the teacher could turn on the lights, Fuji had already rushed outside the classroom. He had his smile on his face and strategically brushed his hair in a way that no one would see his puffy red eyes. He began to head towards the front of the school, debating whether or not to skip tennis practice.

A hand shot out to grab his elbow. Fuji whirled around, ready to strike out at the person, but fell into an embrace. He felt a pair of lips touch his briefly. Sapphire blue eyes stared down into golden cat-like eyes. "Fuji-senpai." Ryoma practically purred his name. "Where are you going? I was looking for you."

Fuji smiled, quite genuinely at the shorter boy before moving back, breaking the embrace. "Hello, Ryoma. I was just getting to tennis practice." Ryoma's sharp eyes moved around his face and Fuji shifted uncomfortably. "Is something the matter?"

"Syuusuke, you know I love you, right?" Ryoma's confession took the tensai aback.

"I-I can't say that I love you back, Ryoma." Fuji was blatantly honest, although he felt horrible about it. Ryoma was his friend. He didn't want to hurt him.

"I know." Ryoma was bold, brash… reckless, not like _him_. "But I can try."

"… You're welcome to." Fuji decided, in that second, that he needed to move on.

"So, Fuji Syuusuke, you are now my boyfriend." Ryoma gave a stunning smile. "Come on, let's go to practice." The first-year took Fuji's hand and began to walk with him. Fuji could only focus on how he felt so wrong holding Ryoma's hand.

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><p>"I'm dating Fuji-senpai now." Fuji's eyes widened when Ryoma bluntly announced their new relationship to the tennis team. Ryoma was very full of surprises today. "We're boyfriends." Fuji looked over to Tezuka, who had an imperceptible scowl on his face and a flicker of rage flared through the tensai. If that's how Tezuka wanted to play…<p>

Fuji slung an arm over Ryoma and smiled. He met the astonished gazes of the tennis team. "That's right." His aura dropped to a dangerous level. "Which means that if anyone so much as looks at my boyfriend in the wrong way… there will be consequences." The others shuddered. Eiji and Oishi looked at each other, confused. They were the only ones, besides Tezuka himself, who knew of Fuji's feelings for the captain. "Do I make myself clear?" His gaze was pointed towards Momoshiro.

"Y-yes, of course Fuji-senpai!" Momo laughed nervously. Fuji smiled again, before giving Ryoma a quick kiss on the lips.

"I suppose we should get changed then." Fuji commented, and walked over to his locker. Ryoma was shocked, but did the same. He began to open it.

A slam startled everyone and the last thing everyone heard was, "Practice is cancelled, go home" before a disgruntled tennis captain demanded that everyone except the tensai leave the locker rooms immediately. Not wanting to piss Tezuka off even more, everyone scrambled out. Ryoma gave a comforting look at Fuji before telling him that he would be waiting outside for the tensai and he walked out, leaving Fuji and Tezuka alone in the locker room.

"What the hell?" Tezuka's voice was harsh. "What the hell are you doing?"

"What are you talking about?" Fuji's voice was cold. "Ryoma an-"

"Do. Not. Mention. His. Name." Tezuka practically snarled.

"He's my boyfriend, I have every right to talk about him." Fuji retorted. "Why the hell are you so pissed? You don't like me that way… Or so you claim." A stony glare. "If you like me, then grow a pair of balls and ask me out already!"

"Fine, will you go out with me, Fuji?" Tezuka asked sarcastically. Never before had Fuji seen Tezuka lose control like this.

"Too late, Tezuka Kunimitsu." The tensai raised his head in a defiant gesture. "You lost your chance."

"You are a manipulative bastard." Tezuka hissed. "I can't be friends with you anymore." He stormed out of the locker room, the door swinging shut loudly behind him. Fuji's facial expression changed suddenly. He sank to the floor, shaking. Again? Really? This was tiring, but still upsetting.

The door swung open again and Ryoma rushed in, immediately going to Fuji and cradling him. Ryoma was so sweet to him, Fuji mused, why couldn't he have fallen for the younger boy? Life wasn't fair. "I love you so much, Syuusuke." As Ryoma whispered those words, Fuji closed his eyes and wished desperately that it was another person saying them to him.

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><p>In retrospect, it's amazing how much I went through with him. Haha, I'll write more whenever I feel like it. And do me a favor and please review, otherwise... I don't know, I just don't really want to continue writing. It's sort of that way for Wonderland, another Prince of Tennis fanfic I wrote. I got one review and I'm sort of discouraged. (So please go there and review too~) I would also really really like it if in your review, you would write your point of view on my situation. Was I (Fuji) too rash? What do you think Tezuka was thinking? I really want to piece this together even after 3 years. Thanks!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I am currently updating Rebirth and Wonderland, except I feel that because no one reviews my Prince of Tennis fanfics, I'm not appreciated. So please review? **

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><p>Fuji laughed genially as he wrapped his arms around Ryoma. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tezuka's fists clench as he looked at the seemingly happy couple. Ryoma said something to Fuji and the tensai turned his attention back to his boyfriend. Somehow… Fuji felt safe with Ryoma. The kouhai did anything he could to please the older boy, but with every "I love you" from the younger boy, Fuji could feel the guilt overwhelming him.<p>

"So is that okay, Syuusuke?" Ryoma bit his lip. "We don't have to go if you don't want to." The golden-eyed boy had been talking about going to see this new movie that had just come out.

"Of course, Ryoma. You're so good to me." Fuji smiled.

"I love you."

Fuji's expression tensed slightly. "I know." He still couldn't say it. He knew that the moment he told Ryoma that he loved him, he wouldn't be able to continue this façade. He saw a flicker of pain in Ryoma's large eyes, but that was replaced by understanding when he saw Fuji glance over to Tezuka.

Ryoma's chest tightened when he saw the boy that his boyfriend was irrevocably in love with. Most would question his sanity for hurting himself like this, but he really did love Fuji and he saw the hurt in the tensai whenever he saw Tezuka. He saw the tears that surfaced in those blue eyes when he saw Tezuka and Miku at the fall formal. He saw the tears that fell when he saw the white rose corsage she had on. It wasn't fair. Fuji was a beautiful person through and through. He had an amazing personality and he shouldn't have to deal with this sort of pain. Ryoma had vowed to help the tensai through this, even if it meant his own heartache. He could only hope that one day, Fuji would realize that he was too good for Tezuka and that he could move on. "Syuusuke, after the movie, let's go to the park and just hang out." Fuji nodded in acquiescence, but his heart wasn't really there.

"Ryoma… I have to go. I'm sorry." Fuji kissed Ryoma chastely and began to walk away, away from his boyfriend and away from Tezuka.

"What are you sorry for?" Ryoma whispered, fighting the tears that came to his eyes as he watched Fuji walk away. "You have nothing to apologize for, my love."

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><p>Fuji was shaking uncontrollably. Splashing his face with cold water, he noted that he was paler than normal and he had dark bags underneath his eyes. His hands traced the pale contours of his face, the feeling of self-loathing and regret radiating throughout him. This was all his fault. It was his fault that he was in this situation. If he hadn't acted so rashly, he and Tezuka would still be friends and he wouldn't be hurting Ryoma this badly. He wanted to curl up and just cry so badly. It really was not fair. He had tried making Tezuka happy… But maybe that's where he went wrong. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he jumped before turning around. Eiji stood there, a pitying look on his face, and seeing his best friend, Fuji burst into tears. Eiji hugged the tensai, feeling tears come into his own eyes. Fuji was so fiercely protective of the ones he loved and he did everything he could to make them happy, but the tensai could not be happy himself as a result.<p>

"Shhh… Fujiko… It'll be all right." Eiji soothed, for the first time, saying those words ever since the disastrous sleepover.

"I can only hope so." Fuji whispered, his voice shaky. Eiji closed his eyes and felt the warm saline water running down his cheeks. Fuji was in too much pain and he was the last person on earth to deserve this sort of heartache. It broke Eiji's own heart knowing that Fuji hurt this much. In that split second, the acrobat felt a surge of indescribable hatred towards his captain. This was all his fault.

"Forget about Tezuka." Eiji's voice was low. "He's not worth it."

"I can't remember the last time I was happy without him. It seems like so long ago." The tensai was shaking again. "Every time I hear his voice, it sends shivers through me. Every time he hugs me, I feel like I can float. Every second he spends with me, I'm happy. But it still hurts so much." Eiji's grip around his best friend tightened. He had no idea that Fuji was that much in love with Tezuka. He was now even more frightened. Who knew what the unpredictable tensai would do now? He didn't want to lose his best friend. He saw Tezuka walking down the hallway and sent him a glare. The captain raised an eyebrow when he saw the two. Eiji's glare was strong and he did not back down when Tezuka narrowed his eyes.

"Come on, Fujiko. Let's go." Eiji began to guide the tensai away. He shot Tezuka a final warning glare that clearly was accusatory.

Tezuka's head spun. What the hell was happening? It seemed like only yesterday that he and Fuji were at the roller skating rink, laughing together. That was a year ago. And now… Just look at them. But it was Fuji's fault, right? Right? Fuji was so overcontrolling and manipulative… He brought this on himself. But watching the tears run down his cheeks, Tezuka felt a seed of doubt blossom in his mind. What had happened? Why was the tensai so upset over something that he had brought upon himself…?

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><p>"Tezuka?" Tezuka looked over to Oishi, who was leaning out of their nearby classroom.<p>

"Yes?"

"Class is starting now…" But Oishi was no longer looking at Tezuka. He was looking past the captain and at Eiji and Fuji's retreating backs.

"All right, thanks." Tezuka began to walk into the classroom. Oishi wisely chose not to say anything, but he couldn't help to be worried. He had never seen the team's strong tensai cry so much. He recalled Eiji's outburst while on their walk home.

"_What the HELL is Tezuka doing?" Oishi flinched at Eiji's tone- furious and loud. "What the bloody hell is he thinking? He has NO RIGHT to be angry. And now he DARES to blame Fujiko?" _

"_Eiji, I'm sure there's some explanation…" Oishi began timidly. _

"_No. I don't want to hear it. Tezuka hurt Fuji." Eiji said stubbornly. Oishi sighed. _

"_They'll work it out in the end." The vice-captain tried to calm his partner down. _

"_Then Tezuka will hurt Fuji again because he's too dense to see what Fuji would do for him. Fuji would walk on needles for Tezuka. Hell, Fuji would probably kill himself trying to please Tezuka." Eiji scowled, the grimace twisting his handsome face into a mask of outrage. _

"_I'm sure that deep down Tezuka reciprocates Fuji's feelings." _

"_He may, but he has a heck of a way of showing it." _

"_Everything will work out eventually between them, Eiji." _

"_If it doesn't, then Tezuka will be my eternal enemy." The red-head acrobat raised his head. _

"Eiji…" Oishi closed his head as he felt a raging headache come on.

"Are you all right, Oishi?" Tezuka's voice pierced through the haze of Oishi's thoughts.

"Y-yes."

"What's on your mind?" Oishi looked at Tezuka, who was studying. The teacher had no lesson plans and had given them a free period, which Tezuka was using to look over his textbook for a test tomorrow.

"Why?" Tezuka looked up from the book, eyebrow raised at Oishi's sudden question.

"Why what?" His voice was serious and genuinely curious.

"Why did you say those things to Fuji?" Oishi flinched internally when he asked that question.

With a snap, the captain shut the book. "Because they were true."

Oishi felt the rage boil within him, but he suppressed the urge to shout. "You went to the dance with some other girl, Tezuka. Fuji had every right to go with Ryoma."

"But to kiss him?"

"Also his right." Oishi closed his eyes and began to breathe evenly. "Tezuka, you know, Fuji… He does love you."

"He has a way of showing it." Tezuka's voice was cold.

"He really doesn't want to hurt you."

"Then why did he go to the dance with Ryoma?" Oishi wanted to facepalm. Tezuka was supposed to be the most brilliant student of their class. Why did he feel like he was talking to a 5-year old?

"Tezuka, listen to me." Oishi's voice was oddly serious. "Fuji honestly thought that you liked what was her name? Miku?- anyways, he thought that he should move on then and when Ryoma asked him to the dance, he just said yes."

"He didn't have to let Ryoma kiss him." Tezuka retorted. "That was just manipulative. He definitely saw me looking."

"Tezuka, you are SO DENSE." Oishi's head almost made contact with his desk. This was so frustrating. "Fuji told you already. He wanted to move on. Ryoma was there for him."

"He's an excellent liar." Tezuka said stubbornly.

"Forget it." Oishi shook his head as he realized that no matter what he said, Tezuka was not going to listen to him. The rest of the class was silent between the two of them and Oishi hurriedly packed his books up and left when the bell rang, but Tezuka sat there, deep in thought.

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><p>"Where's Fuji?" Dark brown eyes scanned the tennis courts. The captain did not see the tensai.<p>

"He said he didn't feel well so he went home." Ryoma didn't look up from the green of the court.

"… Oishi, handle today's practice please." Before anyone could say anything, Tezuka had already turned around and began to walk away.

"I'm going with him." Ryoma stood up from where he was stretching.

Eiji's eyes grew wide and he launched himself at Ryoma. "NO!"

Ryoma began to struggle. "Get off me, Eiji-senpai!"

"Echizen, let Fuji and Tezuka talk it out." Oishi said gently, prying Eiji off of Ryoma.

"He's just going to hurt him again!" Oishi felt impenetrable sadness when he saw the panic in Ryoma's eyes. Ryoma really did love Fuji, but Fuji truly loved Tezuka. The world was so messed up.

"If you want to leave early from practice, you can." Oishi sighed. "But let Fuji and Tezuka try to work things out, okay?"

Ryoma closed his eyes. Eiji could see tears glimmering in his kouhai's golden eyes when they opened again. "Okay."

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><p>The stoic tennis captain stood in front of the Fuji household, eyes closed and hands trembling. What was he supposed to say to Fuji? How would he say it?<p>

"Tezuka-kun?" The door opened and Fuji's older sister stepped out, dressed up in a suit. "Are you looking for Syuusuke?"

"Y-yes. Is he home?" He felt something within him… fear? When was the last time he had felt that emotion?

"Yes. He's just in his room if you want to just go up." Yumiko smiled at him. "I have to go now, so just let yourself in." She walked away. Clearly Fuji didn't tell his family what had transpired. Tezuka stood there for a few seconds, mustering up his courage before walking into the house.

"Nee-chan? Did you forget something?" The captain heard Fuji's melodic voice drift from his room and his heart skipped a beat. He was afraid. There was no denying it. "Yumiko-nee-chan?" He heard the door squeaking and Fuji's light footsteps. As the bespectacled brunette made it to the foot of the stairs, Fuji made it to the top and froze.

"Fuji." Fuji's eyes widened. What? Why was Tezuka here? "Stay there. Don't move." At the brunette's command, the tensai's foot twitched as if he was prepared to flee. "Stay." Fuji froze, but his grip tightened on the railing. Tezuka started up the stairs.

"W-Why are you here?" When Tezuka reached the top of the stairs, Fuji moved backwards slightly. Fuji refused to look at Tezuka.

"Look at me, Fuji." The tensai slowly looked up at the captain. Tears were forming in Fuji's eyes.

"What do you want?"

"Fuji, I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have said those things to you. I don't know what I was thinking. Please forgive me." Fuji's tears started to fall, the tears marring the beautiful face.

"Tezuka, I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. If you're really that upset by me and Ryoma, then just be truthful with me. I would choose you over him any day." Tezuka's eyes widened at Fuji's confession. "But please, Tezuka, please let me move on…"

The captain bowed his head as his mouth went dry. He didn't know the feeling of unreciprocated love, but he could sense Fuji's pain and anguish. He nodded his head.

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><p><strong>That wasn't as good of a chapter, but it's hard for me to write Tezuka's point of view... Please review! <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Hello, I'm still alive! I just went into hiatus for a little bit because I had all of my college application stuff to write and it's a giant mess with my life right now because my mom was mad at me for a few months and refused to pay for senior trip, which of course, I had been excited for since 8th grade and then I got a full ride to the state college and now she's all like, "OH OF COURSE I'LL PAY FOR SENIOR TRIP." Well, I got really excited and went to school with the money and was told that they had already booked everything and now I can't go either way. So in essence, I was and still am super upset. Not to mention that I've had a few incidents with friends and whatnot and my great-grandmother's one-year death anniversary is coming up in a few days and I'm a huge mess. Ugh. Anyways, I found enough willpower to actually finish a chapter, so enough of my ranting, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimers: Prince of Tennis (Oh god, how long has it been...) does not belong to me! I wish.

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><p>Fuji's hands trembled slightly as he set the cup of tea in front of Tezuka, who was sitting in the living room, looking around. He had been to Fuji's house before, but never before in such circumstances. It was a good excuse to avoid Fuji's eyes- studying the neat living room. Tezuka was studying a picture of a smiling Syuusuke, holding a trophy with another boy that the captain vaguely recognized… Saeki Koujiroh? Was that his name? With a jolting, sinking feeling in his stomach, Tezuka realized that he hadn't seen Fuji smile at him in such a long time. And not those fake, secretive smiles the tensai was famous for, but a genuine smile.<p>

Fuji's shaky voice snapped Tezuka out of his reverie. "C-can I ask you something, Tezuka?" Fuji cursed at himself inside. His voice shook… As much as he willed it not to. At least he could keep his tears down. Although for how long, he wasn't sure.

"Sure." Tezuka now looked directly at the tensai.

"Are you really that hurt by me and Ryoma?" The captain started at the pure innocence in the other's question. Fuji wasn't trying to manipulate him or anything… He was genuinely worried.

"I…" Tezuka stopped. He didn't quite know why he was so upset at seeing Fuji and Ryoma together.

"… I understand." Fuji turned away. "Please show yourself out. I have nothing more to discuss with you." His voice quavered as his tears started flowing again.

"Fuji?" Tezuka stood up, leaving his cup of tea untouched. He reached a hand out to lightly touch the tensai's shoulder. "Fuji…" He turned the tensai so that he faced him. "You're crying…"

Fuji gave a hollow chuckle. No shit, Sherlock. Just because every other human can feel emotion doesn't mean that you can't identify. "Just leave, please."

"Listen to me, Fuji. I didn't mean what I said. I don't know what got into me. Please don't be mad at me. I just… You're my best friend, Fuji."

"I don't-"

"Listen." Tezuka said aggressively. He was so close to losing the tensai that he couldn't let Fuji interrupt him. "You are my best friend." He emphasized each word. "I don't want to lose you. I just don't like you like that. It's not the way you act, the way you dress or the way you look or anything. It's just… I just don't like you like that, please understand that. I was just… really upset when I saw you kissing Echizen." Tezuka was now staring directly into Fuji's eyes, which were more tear-filled than before.

"I-If me being with Ryoma really upsets you that much…. You need only say so." Fuji murmured quietly. "You… You mean more to me than he does." The tensai looked away.

"…" Tezuka didn't say anything. "I'm… going to leave now. Goodbye Fuji." The captain stood up and left the room. When Fuji heard the front door close, he sat down in shock. And he thought he was emotional.

* * *

><p>Ryome turned on his computer. He felt guilty about not being able to see his boyfriend after the captain had left practice. Something had come up at home. Hopefully Fuji… no, Syuusuke was on. <em>It's Syuusuke now, Ryoma<em>. The young boy chided himself as he typed in his MSN username and password. When he logged on, he was delighted to see that his boyfriend was also on.

**tenisu no oujisama: Hi Syuusuke! **Ryoma chuckled as he mused on how mushy Fuji made him act. He had already decided that he wasn't going to bring up the captain.

Fuji wasn't really paying attention to his computer. Out of habit, he left it on when he did homework and he stayed signed in to MSN. But when he heard the beep indicating that he had a new message, he looked up at his screen and smiled.

**Fujisyuusuke229: Hello, Ryoma**~

Fuji typed back quickly before turning his attention back on his math homework. He got through one problem before his computer beeped again.

**tenisu no oujisama: What's up with you?**

**Fujisyuusuke229: I'm doing math homework, how about you?**

**tenisu no oujisama: Thinking about you. -heart-**

Fuji felt himself grinning like a schoolgirl.

**tenisu no oujisama: But since you're doing homework, I'll leave you alone. **

**Fujisyuusuke229: No, it's okay, I can stay on. **

**tenisu no oujisama: No, really, I have to do homework too. I'll stay on though, so if you need something, just IM me or call me or whatever. I'll talk to you later. I love you. **

**Fujisyuusuke229: All right then Ryoma. -heart-**

After sending that message, Fuji paused. Could he say those three words? His deft fingers paused over the keys.

**Fujisyuusuke229: I love you too, Ryoma. **There. Maybe it would be easier to move on from Tezuka now.

**tenisu no oujisama: Goodbye, my angel~ **

Fuji raised an eyebrow. This was very uncharacteristic of his kouhai. And looking at his relationship, it seemed as if… Ryoma was…. the "top" of their relationship. Oh well. The tensai returned to his math homework, but everything that had happened that day- from Tezuka visiting to Ryoma's confessions. The tensai turned off his computer and sent a text message to Ryoma, telling him that he was going to go to bed now and goodnight. Ryoma sent a text message back in a few minutes telling Fuji to have sweet dreams and goodnight. Fuji smiled at Ryoma's text message. Why couldn't he have fallen for the younger boy? Absentmindedly, he began to get ready for bed, ignoring Yumiko's questions about why Fuji was going to bed at 10 PM, which was considered early for the tensai. As Fuji drifted off into dreamland, he did not see the young golden-eyed boy whom he had last kissed, but instead, the tall, regal hazel-eyed captain that he had been in love with for 2 years.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Fuji left his house earlier, not wanting to wait for Tezuka to come walk him to school. When he reached the entrance, he saw Ryoma leaning against a nearby wall.<p>

"You're early, Ryoma." Fuji smiled at his boyfriend.

"You are too, Syuusuke." Ryoma smiled back as he held out his hand. Fuji took it and pulled Ryoma off the wall. "Walk me to class?"

"I was always under the impression that I was the girl in this relationship." Fuji laughed, putting his arm around Ryoma.

"Hmm…" Ryoma looked around furtively, making sure no one was around, before pushing Fuji lightly against the wall of the hallway they had just walked into. "Would you like to be?" Those intense golden eyes flashed with challenge and the next thing Fuji knew was that Ryoma had his lips on Fuji's and was kissing him fiercely. Fuji entwined his hands in black hair as he kissed back with just as much force.

"Oi! Ochibi, Fujiko, get a room!" The two broke apart in surprise when they heard Eiji's loud exclamation. The acrobat had a giant grin on his face. His hand was entwined in Oishi's hand, but the vice-captain was bright red- probably flushed because of Fuji and Ryoma's little show. Behind them stood Tezuka, who wasn't even looking at the two prodigies.

"Well, it looks like we were seen." Fuji chuckled, making no indication that he was about to move away from underneath Ryoma. Ryoma stepped back a little, pulling Fuji with him.

"Hello sempai-tachi." Ryoma muttered in greeting. "I'll be going now…" He looked to Fuji's face.

"All right then, Ryoma." Fuji planted a kiss on Ryoma's forehead. "See you later then."

"I'll come find you during lunch." Ryoma promised and then he left.

"That was cute, Fujiko." Eiji smiled at Fuji as he bounced forward to throw an arm over his friend's shoulders.  
>"Why thank you, Eiji. Hello Oishi, hello Tezuka." He greeted the other 3rd years. Fuji was grinning foolishly.<p>

"I'm happy for you, Fujiko~" Eiji was beaming.

Oishi was now smiling as well. "Yes… Congratulations, Fuji." Tezuka scowled slightly.

"I believe that we must be getting to class, ne, Tezuka?" The said captain's eyes narrowed when the tensai spoke to him.

"Yes… Yes, indeed, we should!" Oishi said hastily, upon sensing the tension in the air.

"Come on, Eiji." Fuji held out a hand to his friend, who took it and they walked to class together, hand in hand.

"I'm not going to offer my hand to you, but you know, Tezuka, if you really are that upset at seeing Fuji and Echizen together, then you should say something." Oishi remarked as he turned back to Tezuka.

"I'm… all right." Tezuka replied stiffly. "Let's get to class."

* * *

><p>Fuji felt sick. As soon as he had gotten to the classroom, he had broken away from Eiji and collapsed onto his desk. Eiji could hear sobs from the tensai and all the redhead could do was place his hands on his friend's shoulder in a comforting gesture. Fuji was nauseous, he wanted to throw up… All he wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed.<p>

"Fujiko…" Eiji bit his lip. He was ready to cry as well.

"Why, Eiji? Why does he hate me so much?" Fuji wiped away his tears as he looked up at the other.

"… I'll be right back." Eiji said suddenly, dashing out of the classroom. The redhead ran down the hallway and slid open the door to the 3-1 classroom. His azure eyes darted around the classroom until he saw two familiar faces in the corner. "Oishi!" Eiji ran to his doubles partner. "Oishi, I need your help…" Eiji completely ignored his tennis captain.

"What's wrong Eiji? Did you get hurt?" Oishi's tone instantly became concerned.

"It's Fujiko… He's crying again." Eiji gasped out. "I don't know what to do."

"Just leave him be, maybe?" Oishi gaped at Tezuka when the captain spoke in an uncharacteristically cold manner. Eiji wheeled around and the spark of fury in his eyes made Oishi aware of his surroundings. He pulled Eiji, who had been about to leap onto the captain, back.

Eiji settled for a verbal assault instead. "It's ALL your fault, Tezuka Kunimitsu! How DARE you toy with Fujiko like that?"

"Leave, Kikumaru." Tezuka paid no attention to Eiji's words.

The acrobat regained his composure and he sneered in Tezuka's direction. 'Yes, _buchou_." The scathing words made Oishi shudder. Fuji must be really upset if Eiji was speaking in such a deadly serious voice. "Don't expect to see me or Fuji at practice today." The redhead left the classroom after throwing another scorning glare at Tezuka. The door slammed shut behind him and Tezuka rubbed his temples.

"Tezuka…. Are you sure that this is okay? It's destroying the team." Oishi whispered softly, eyes still trained on the door that the redhead had just left through.

"I don't see why everyone must involve themselves in my personal affairs." Tezuka replied. Oishi's eyes swung to the captain. There was something… Off about his tone. He sounded tired, as if he hadn't slept for the past few nights, but there also seemed to be a hint of regret. "I'm letting Fuji go."

"…" Oishi didn't say anything. _Maybe you should keep holding on. Maybe Fuji doesn't want you to give him up._

* * *

><p>Fuji could feel that his eyes were puffy- had to be from all the crying he was doing lately. He stared morosely out the window as the teacher continued the lesson. Thinking about Tezu- no. Driving his thoughts away from the buchou, Fuji began to think of the new photography project he wanted to attempt.<p>

"Fuji-kun?" Fuji looked to the front of the board, where the teacher was pointing to a problem on the board. "Can you do this for me, please?"

Fuji studied the problem, but realized that he had no idea what he was supposed to go. "I'm sorry, sensei, I must have drifted off. I'm not quite sure how to answer this problem." There were gasps from around the room at the tensai's quiet confession.

"O-Oh." Even the teacher was stunned. "Just… Be sure to pay attention."

"Yes, sensei. I'm sorry." Fuji apologized. Eiji was eying him in concern. The brunette pretended not to notice and tried to pay attention to the teacher, but he could feel himself losing it. Slowly, but surely, his sanity was slipping away from him. At least, what remained of it. Tezuka had stolen his heart, mind and soul and at this point, it seemed like he wouldn't be getting any of them back.

* * *

><p>As soon as the bell rang, Fuji leapt up and ran out of the classroom, ignoring Eiji's shouts behind him. He rushed to the locker clubroom and quickly changed, trying to get onto the tennis courts. He needed to feel the movement of the racket moving, he needed to watch the bright yellow ball fly over the net. He NEEDED this distraction. The tensai was slowly going insane. He couldn't… He just couldn't deal with everything. But tennis always calmed him, feeling the contact of the racket with the tennis ball…. It always did. But now… Fuji bit his lip as he slowly closed his locker. With Tezuka there…. He leaned back against the locker and slid down to the floor, looking up. Tezuka…. Tezuka…. He reached out a hand painfully. No… Why couldn't his life just end there….? Why did he have to undergo this torture?<p>

"Syuusuke?" That voice was so familiar. "SYUUSUKE!" Oh right. Ryoma. "Syuu, are you all right?" The tensai looked up and smiled painfully.

"Y-Yes." He whispered. "Yes, I'm all right."

Ryoma shook his head. "You're a liar," But he was amused, "I always believed you though." He kissed Fuji sweetly. "I love you."

Fuji didn't respond, just closed his eyes and let himself be held by the younger male. "Thank you, Ryoma." He whispered. Ryoma's grip tightened when he saw a familiar figure in the doorway.

"Step away from him." Tezuka said sternly. "I won't tolerate displays of affection under my watch."

Ryoma let out a small growl but let Fuji go. Fuji shook his head weakly and whimpered. "N-No." He gasped out, grabbing at Ryoma, as if using the other as a shield from some unseen force. "Don't…"

Ryoma instantly wrapped his arms around his boyfriend again. "Shh… I'm right here, Syuusuke. I'm not going to leave you."

"Echizen. Fuji. Now." Tezuka repeated again, more anger in his voice.

"Buchou, if you think that-"

"_Now._" Ryoma reluctantly let Fuji go, but not before pressing a kiss to his lips.

"Buchou." Ryoma nodded at Tezuka, took Fuji's hand and sidled out of the clubroom with his boyfriend in tow.

Tezuka sighed tiredly. This was turning out into more of a mess than he thought it would be.

* * *

><p>As soon as Fuji saw Tezuka, he stopped breathing. Gods, he was so beautiful… But so angry. He hated seeing Tezuka so furious, but the fact that that said anger was directed at him hurt more than anything. He wanted to run, but he couldn't find the strength to move. It hurt… He felt Ryoma's arms release him and he whimpered out as the only thing between him and Tezuka moved. Then Ryoma hugged him again and he heard him whispering. Then a harsh voice. Tezuka. Tezuka. He looked up and felt movement in front of him. Then suddenly he was being pulled up. Ryoma? Instinctively, he began moving, past Tezuka and away from him. No. No. No. Tezuka. It hurts.<p>

* * *

><p>I'm actually kind of upset at the "Tezuka" in my life right now. Even though everything between us is over and has been for 3 years, I'm still desperately hoping for at least friendship, although I don't think I'll ever get that. But he brought up some sour memories when he asked another girl to be his escort to a competition in front of me. I don't know why I was so upset, but I guess I'm just in a really fragile emotional state right now and I just had bad memories when he did that. Who knows. Maybe once I leave for college I'll find my Prince Charming. Or at least someone to hold me like that and love me. Anyways. Review please?<p> 


	4. AUTHOR UPDATE because guilty feelings

So uhm... I realize I've been MIA for almost a year now and I sincerely apologize for it. I do intend on returning to writing, but I think what I'm going to do is go back and rewrite/edit things and move on over to AO3. Li might continue updating on here, not sure but we'll see. I intend on continuing every fic, and my new plan is to write at least two chapters in advance before I post a new one- I'll see if this encourages me to write faster. Thank you so much for being patient and I promise that all of my fics will come to a conclusion sometime within the next month. (You guys can hop on over to my tumblr and bug me about updating too). Thanks a gain and I'm so sorry it's taken this long.


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